I continue to hear from readers about how the story of my journey out of extreme fundamentalism has been a blessing to them. From time to time, my readers share some of their own stories. Recently, a young woman named Becca shared her story with me, and I received permission from her to share it with you all. May it be a blessing and encouragement to you all.
2/12/2010
Bob,
I am twenty-three years old. I was born into a IFB family with all the fixins’. My parents were strongly KJV only; no secular music whatsoever was allowed in our household. We attended church every Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday. I was in Patch the Pirate Club. I can remember my dad railing over and over again about “secular” music, the “world’s” music, and he had books about the beat of the music causing one’s heart to beat irregularly. I am surprised I got away with wearing pants. That was a non-issue, usually, with my parents, although my mom did tell me once that she wished she’d raised me to wear skirts only. My previous pastor was once noted for having said that parents would rue the day they allowed their daughters to wear pants. I have never worn pants to a church service at that church before.
I was “saved” at the age of four. I remembered bits and pieces, but did not remember what I prayed or really remembering I was a sinner. Thus, for years upon years, even when I was in college, I doubted my salvation. What if I wasn’t really saved because I didn’t mean what I’d said at the age of four? I went off to the WILDS (summer camp) of Brevard, NC, where my counselor told me that if I couldn’t remember my salvation experience and was having doubts, then I probably wasn’t saved. I was incapacitated by fears of eternal damnation.
All of my childhood and teenage years were spent observing rules and regulation imposed by my IFB church. I knew nothing of God, but everything about what I “should” be doing. I was strongly KJV only, but I couldn’t defend my reasons behind it. I was strongly against secular music, but probably couldn’t have given reasons why. By the age of nineteen, I realized I had built concrete walls on a foundation of sand. I had no logical reason for any of the convictions I held.
When did the turnaround occur? When I went to college. My parents were hoping I’d choose PCC, but I couldn’t wear skirts all the time and it wasn’t accredited. I chose to attend Clearwater Christian, the small, accredited university on the Gulf Coast. Dad wasn’t thrilled “they allow handholding!” and a visiting evangelist had told Dad that he would never advise anyone to attend CCC. Nevertheless, I had liked what I’d seen when I visited there and it was only by the grace of God that he led me there. The school changed my life.
CCC is conservative, yes. It is fundamental. But it is not “fundamentalist,” in the derogatory sense of the word. It is Scriptural, but it couldn’t be compared to a terrorist regime in the standards it holds. At first, when I discovered that the girls I lived with had versions of the Bible that weren’t KJV, I wrote them off. Little by little, when I saw my godly Bible professors using other versions, I gave them a chance. Finally, I broke down and bought an ESV. It was also at CCC that I was truly introduced to Reformed Theology. RT had always been referred to in my circle as being not biblical or even heretical. My mom said, “I can’t accept that God would die for me and not my daughter” (my sister). I was, surprise, surprise, strongly opposed to Reformed Theology, although, once again, I could not back up my beliefs against my more knowledgeable friends. My parents and my church had raised a child with a delicate egg shell of beliefs; on the outside, the shell looked nice, but if it developed the slightest crack, the whole thing would crumble because there was no support on the interior of that shell. My ESV Bible made the clarity and the flow of the words so much clearer and cleaner; for the first time, the Bible was real to me. The more I read, the more I stumbled upon words like “chosen,” “drawn,” “gift,” “grace,” “mercy,” “God wills,” “hardens,” and the whole shebang of those words that make up the “Calvinist’s Dictionary.” I couldn’t ignore these words, however. They were there after all. I read them and reread them in context and they presented truths which I could not deny: the sovereignty of God, his mercy, his love, his ultimate glory. I walked away from reading, came back later. The truths were still there and again, they were undeniable. My professors and our chapel speakers backed up these truths and little by little, I was drawn into the beauty of Reformed Theology. When I finally accepted it fully, I was awestruck. My doubts were taken away for no longer did I need to place what little hope I had in that wimpy prayer I prayed as a four year old. My full trust was put in Christ alone. I was awakened to what “grace” really meant. I saw Christ as he really was. No longer, no longer was I entrenched in doubt, guilt out of not meeting the standard, fear of hell’s fires…. For the first time, I began learning about Christ, not about what I should be/shouldn’t be doing.
Now, as a twenty-three-year old, one year out of college, teaching, I am a full-blown Calvinist. . . .or, “Biblicist.” I attend a Reformed Presbyterian church. I wear pants to services. I have high-lighted and annotated my ESV until the pages are soft. I keep finding new references to being “drawn” to Christ. I am finding music that backs up my theology. I am reading Piper. And I have never been more in love with Christ, more on fire for Him, more wanting to scream my new-found freedom from the rooftops. When I was entrenched in the IFB circle, I was shallow, foundationless, searching, confused, disoriented. I was fully confident in nothing at all. However, by God’s grace, I have now been led into the light of His glorious Gospel, and I thank God for opening up my eyes to the truth. I wish everyone could know what I know and I am so happy to have found your site because you do know what I know; you have found what I found. Aren’t you grateful? I am.
What a beautiful testimony. I’m sure there are many more like it. Thank God for “sensible” schools in the true fundamental tradition, that is, a passion for the glory of Christ and a true reverence for the Word of God. That means courage to study and believe exactly what it says, and courage to reject those human traditions that are not Biblical. When will fundamentalists begin to understand that traditions tacked on to the Bible is the same religion as the Pharisees?
Thanks G.N. for your kind words. I think you are absolutely correct. There is nothing wrong with the idea of fundamentalism and standing up for what you believe. But looking down on others, being more strict than the Bible is clear on non-essential issues, and lording over the brethren — these traits and more do a lot of damage to people’s souls.
Thanks a lot for posting this story and, most of all, thank God for making His Word change our lives this way.
Amen, Cristian. Glad the story was a blessing. God’s work in our lives is of course an even greater blessing.
I fully identify with much of what Becca has said. Reformed theology emphases are wonderful and a great antidote to legalism and formalism. However, I am confused as to why is she so ‘pro’, i.e. has such a bee in her bonnet, about women wearing pants in church. Should men and women not enjoy reflecting the diversity and complementary within God’s creation of man by dressing differently? Clothing matters, and the injunction that a “women must not wear men’s clothing, nor a man wear women’s clothing” (Deut. 22:5) would appear to counsel against blurring the distinction between the dress of the sexes in any way. The blessing inherent speaks for itself in a age where sexual distinctions are being obliterated by contemporary culture.
Jonaaron,
Thanks for commenting. I think that there is a long standing abuse of women in the way many teach on that verse. My wife almost never wears pants at church, but does around the house and in other settings. I’d never wear the style she wears. They are feminine. 50 or 60 years ago, pants were a rebelling against the social order which Deut. 22:5 addresses. Today they are not. That opinion I just gave is up for debate, people will differ over it, and different conclusions are inevitable. Taking one conclusion about today’s culture and how Deut. 22:5 should be applied in it and setting it up to judge everyone else is not helpful, and not loving. You should see the other articles I’ve done on this topic:
Holding on to the Cultural Norms of a Bygone Era: A Look at Fundamentalism’s “No-Pants-on-Women” Oddity
Deuteronomy 22:5 — A Positive Interpretation
Long Pants, Basketball, and Modesty in the News
Thanks for dropping by.
God bless,
Bob Hayton
Thanks for your irenic spirit. I’ve scanned through much of the pages you recommend.
In her last paragraph, Becca boasts that she wears “pants to services.”
In light of Romans 14:13-15…
“Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother. I know and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself, but it is unclean for anyone who thinks it unclean.For if your brother is grieved by what you eat[or the way you dress], you are no longer walking in love. By what you eat[or the way you dress], do not destroy the one for whom Christ died.”
In light of the fact that this is a “stumbling block” to many orthodox and sincere Christians, the least that those who reach a different conclusion could offer is love in the other direction…back to those who ‘non-legalistically’ have a different opinion.
I fail to see how Becca’s comments and actions harmonize with these verses.
If people like Becca, who have been enlightened to the glory of Christ and His Cross, would be a little more loving in their attitude towards ‘weaker brethren’, then we might all be closer to the truth on this issue.
Shalom
Perhaps the context might help too. This was a letter she wrote to me that I asked if I could post on my blog. It wasn’t written by her for a wide audience.
I think if pushed or asked she would agree that she shouldn’t flaunt her liberty like that. In the scenario of past abuses and problems she encountered that statement was made. I don’t read it as she’s flaunting herself and sticking it at people that she can now do this. I can’t read her heart obviously.
Thanks again for interacting.
I accept your observation, Bob. I hope what you suggest is true. I look forward to more discussion.
Hey Bob.
Happened to stop by when I saw that you’d posted a new “extreme fundamentalism” story, then clicked over to my story from last year and saw a bit of the comment controversy and wanted to explain that little paragraph a bit better, since I can see the confusion which it could generate. When I talk in that last paragraph about being able to wear pants to church, I am merely saying that I am now in an environment where I feel free and comfortable to wear pants to church. I do not feel that anyone is offended by my wearing pants. But I am not attending my parents’ IFB church and wearing pants as a slap in the face. To do so would definitely be passing judgment on a weaker brother, although I do feel I could wear pants to my parents’ IFB church given that I had the correct attitude about it. To the contrary, I am attending a Presbyterian church (and was also at the time of my letter to you, Bob) where I feel comfortable no matter what I am wearing. I occasionally wear skirts if I feel the weather is conducive, but mostly wear pants.
In response to Jonaaron, I do not feel that I am more of a woman in a skirt than I do in pants, nor do I believe that wearing pants is not complementary to my gender. I feel feminine and lovely in my pants just as I do in a skirt, and I can guarantee you that my fiance would not be caught dead in my pants as they are most definitely “women’s pants,” cut specifically for a woman.
Hope this clears up any confusion. I am striving every day to love the “weaker brethren” more, even though it is a difficult and continuous process.
Take care,
Becca
Thanks, Becca. You confirmed how I initially took your comment. Thanks for clarifying things too due to the question that was raised.
Congratulations, too on your upcoming marriage.
God bless,
Bob