Tag: transformation

Leaving the Village

~ Bob Hayton ~ 2 Comments

village

It takes a great deal of courage to follow the Lord’s call and leave the only church you’ve ever known. When I shared my story of leaving extreme fundamentalism, I was trying to deal with the trauma in one sense, but I also wanted to find camaraderie and support from others via the internet. I had become aware that I wasn’t the only one experiencing the turmoil of finally seeing the world through different eyes.

Over the years, I’ve had numerous expressions of thanks as people have commented on my blog posts or contacted me via email or Facebook. I’ve also had my share of ill-will directed toward me, as people assume that our dramatic change was a cop-out and an excuse to live it up in the world. In truth, it was the hardest thing my wife and I ever did: we risked alienating ourselves from both sides of our family and ruining the only real friendships we had.

There are now a lot of ex-fundamentalist blogs out there. And there are a host of other “survivor” type blogs as well. Some exaggerate the problems of fundamentalism, others jettison any connection with Christianity at all. The internet is a mixed bag, for sure. But it has helped shed light on the beliefs and practices of any group. Mormons have found the internet and are starting to see the problems in their church’s historical dogmas. And countless others have been rescued from cults as they do their own secret internet research.

Like anything, the internet in the wrong hands can be bad. But the truth is not ashamed of honest inquiry: which is why Christianity has and will only continue to flourish in the internet age.

I say all this by way of introduction as I want to direct your attention to a new blog from a Facebook friend of mine. It is called Leaving the Village and describes his own exodus from a legalistic, controlling faith community. His story is very similar to mine, in some respects. And for those struggling to decide how to proceed in their own faith journey, reading his story may be a blessing. He doesn’t try to trash his former church but is sharing his heart and how it felt to go through the process that lead to his “leaving the village.”

In his message to me he shares his motivation for the blog:

Hey Bob, your blog and story were a huge help to me when I was walking away from ——. Just simply knowing I wasn’t alone was one of the biggest things I needed to see.

I just started a blog to try to tell my story and help young guys in the same way you helped me. I’m trying to get the word out about it, but I’m not linking directly through my own social media yet. I don’t want my former pastor to just dismiss the blog as a hit piece. I’m writing with a bit of anonymity, but not pulling any punches.

Anyways, I was wondering if you might consider reading the first post and possibly sharing it on your blog. No pressure, I just wanted to ask you to consider it.

Regardless of what you do, thanks again for the encouragement you gave me.

Go over and read his first post. Then bookmark his site, as it promises to be good reading.

Here is an excerpt to get you started:

It’s hard to imagine unless you’ve been there. One decision, one moment changing the whole course of your life and the life of your family. Regardless of your story, everyone faces life changing decisions at some point, but the feelings of angst and terror seem to be multiplied when those decisions involve leaving a religious cult.

I know, the word cult is a loaded term. It’s also pretty polarizing. Those within the cult never see it as a cult. If they did, they would leave. But those outside it look back in and, at least in my case, ask questions like, “How did I stay duped for so long?” or “Why do people stay?” Calling something a cult has far less to do with its message and far more to do with its methods. But again, that’s a subjective definition that someone inside a cult is bound to disagree with….

My goal is not… to correct misguided beliefs or point out the flaws of others. We all hold presuppositions, more than we care to admit, and attempts at correcting your presuppositions will only go as far as you allow them.

Instead, I want to share my story–a story of angst, a story of searching for truth, a story of a guy looking for a God who was there all along, guiding each step of the journey. I know my audience is small. Not too many people grew up in “a village.” But if you’re one that did and you’re reading this, then know this, you are not alone. Rather than try to convince you of one position against another, I simply want to meet you in the journey and share in the feelings and longings that can be down right terrifying.

My prayer is that you know the road you walk is not one walked alone. Leaving the village and embracing the mystery of a life of faith in Jesus was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Social Media, the Reformation, and the Power of Blogging

~ Bob Hayton ~ 8 Comments

As we look back on 2011, the “Arab Spring” stands testament to the power of social media. Facebook and Twitter, and other social media sites helped unite and focus a growing distaste for autocratic state power. The revolutions in Egypt and Libya, Syria and elsewhere were fostered and furthered by means of social media.

The Japanese tsunami and earthquake, also gave evidence to the speed of social media. Some were alerted to the earthquake via speedy social media — spreading faster than the earthquake and its deadly wave.

It seems we are living in a brave new world of social media. But it turns out that the power of social media isn’t really all that new. A recent article in The Economist reminds us that social media and its power to foster social revolutions is no new thing. In a fascinating article, “How Luther went viral: Five centuries before Facebook and the Arab spring, social media helped bring about the Reformation,” we are reminded that the printed pamphlet and the cartoon — both in their infancy as media in the early 1500s — were tools used to unite those discontented with the Roman papal system. Luther would have been silenced like so many other would-be reformers that preceded him, were it not for the rapid-fire spread of printed pamphlets and public sentiment in his favor.

Similarly, in our day, the last five to ten years has seen the internet, and blogging in particular, unite those discontented with the problems of Christian fundamentalism. No longer can pastors mold and shape their congregation’s opinion about anything without fear of having their facts checked by a quick Google search. The internet brings us closer to the world of ideas, and closer to other Christian communities too. No longer is John MacArthur some distant radio personality that our pastor warns us about — we can download his messages online and realize that his ministry isn’t as dangerous as our fundamentalist pastor has warned.

While social media can certainly be used for evil, and while the nature of social media can encourage sinful behaviors (gossip, hateful speech, and lack of discernment among many others), it nevertheless remains a powerful tool to be used for good. Just as Luther seized the opportunity provided him via the “social media” of his day, we Christians should take every opportunity to wield this new tool for the advancement of Christ’s Kingdom.

As I look forward to 2012, I hope to continue to expend some of my energies in this realm for the good of the Church next year and in the years to come. I’m also thankful for the many other exemplary Christian bloggers who have extended their influence into the this arena and are speaking truth to a watching world.

Becca’s Story

~ Bob Hayton ~ 12 Comments

I continue to hear from readers about how the story of my journey out of extreme fundamentalism has been a blessing to them.   From time to time, my readers share some of their own stories.   Recently, a young woman named Becca shared her story with me, and I received permission from her to share it with you all.   May it be a blessing and encouragement to you all.

2/12/2010

Bob,

I am twenty-three years old. I was born into a IFB family with all the fixins’. My parents were strongly KJV only; no secular music whatsoever was allowed in our household. We attended church every Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday. I was in Patch the Pirate Club. I can remember my dad railing over and over again about “secular” music, the “world’s” music, and he had books about the beat of the music causing one’s heart to beat irregularly. I am surprised I got away with wearing pants. That was a non-issue, usually, with my parents, although my mom did tell me once that she wished she’d raised me to wear skirts only. My previous pastor was once noted for having said that parents would rue the day they allowed their daughters to wear pants. I have never worn pants to a church service at that church before.

I was “saved” at the age of four. I remembered bits and pieces, but did not remember what I prayed or really remembering I was a sinner. Thus, for years upon years, even when I was in college, I doubted my salvation. What if I wasn’t really saved because I didn’t mean what I’d said at the age of four? I went off to the WILDS (summer camp) of Brevard, NC, where my counselor told me that if I couldn’t remember my salvation experience and was having doubts, then I probably wasn’t saved. I was incapacitated by fears of eternal damnation.

All of my childhood and teenage years were spent observing rules and regulation imposed by my IFB church. I knew nothing of God, but everything about what I “should” be doing. I was strongly KJV only, but I couldn’t defend my reasons behind it. I was strongly against secular music, but probably couldn’t have given reasons why. By the age of nineteen, I realized I had built concrete walls on a foundation of sand. I had no logical reason for any of the convictions I held.

When did the turnaround occur? When I went to college. My parents were hoping I’d choose PCC, but I couldn’t wear skirts all the time and it wasn’t accredited. I chose to attend Clearwater Christian, the small, accredited university on the Gulf Coast. Dad wasn’t thrilled “they allow handholding!” and a visiting evangelist had told Dad that he would never advise anyone to attend CCC. Nevertheless, I had liked what I’d seen when I visited there and it was only by the grace of God that he led me there. The school changed my life.

CCC is conservative, yes. It is fundamental. But it is not “fundamentalist,” in the derogatory sense of the word. It is Scriptural, but it couldn’t be compared to a terrorist regime in the standards it holds. At first, when I discovered that the girls I lived with had versions of the Bible that weren’t KJV, I wrote them off. Little by little, when I saw my godly Bible professors using other versions, I gave them a chance. Finally, I broke down and bought an ESV. It was also at CCC that I was truly introduced to Reformed Theology. RT had always been referred to in my circle as being not biblical or even heretical. My mom said, “I can’t accept that God would die for me and not my daughter” (my sister). I was, surprise, surprise, strongly opposed to Reformed Theology, although, once again, I could not back up my beliefs against my more knowledgeable friends. My parents and my church had raised a child with a delicate egg shell of beliefs; on the outside, the shell looked nice, but if it developed the slightest crack, the whole thing would crumble because there was no support on the interior of that shell. My ESV Bible made the clarity and the flow of the words so much clearer and cleaner; for the first time, the Bible was real to me. The more I read, the more I stumbled upon words like “chosen,” “drawn,” “gift,” “grace,” “mercy,” “God wills,” “hardens,” and the whole shebang of those words that make up the “Calvinist’s Dictionary.” I couldn’t ignore these words, however. They were there after all. I read them and reread them in context and they presented truths which I could not deny: the sovereignty of God, his mercy, his love, his ultimate glory. I walked away from reading, came back later. The truths were still there and again, they were undeniable. My professors and our chapel speakers backed up these truths and little by little, I was drawn into the beauty of Reformed Theology. When I finally accepted it fully, I was awestruck. My doubts were taken away for no longer did I need to place what little hope I had in that wimpy prayer I prayed as a four year old. My full trust was put in Christ alone. I was awakened to what “grace” really meant. I saw Christ as he really was. No longer, no longer was I entrenched in doubt, guilt out of not meeting the standard, fear of hell’s fires…. For the first time, I began learning about Christ, not about what I should be/shouldn’t be doing.

Now, as a twenty-three-year old, one year out of college, teaching, I am a full-blown Calvinist. . . .or, “Biblicist.” I attend a Reformed Presbyterian church. I wear pants to services. I have high-lighted and annotated my ESV until the pages are soft. I keep finding new references to being “drawn” to Christ. I am finding music that backs up my theology. I am reading Piper. And I have never been more in love with Christ, more on fire for Him, more wanting to scream my new-found freedom from the rooftops. When I was entrenched in the IFB circle, I was shallow, foundationless, searching, confused, disoriented. I was fully confident in nothing at all. However, by God’s grace, I have now been led into the light of His glorious Gospel, and I thank God for opening up my eyes to the truth. I wish everyone could know what I know and I am so happy to have found your site because you do know what I know; you have found what I found. Aren’t you grateful? I am.

Reforming Fundamentalism, Bob Bixby and Blogging

~ Bob Hayton

If you have followed fundamentalist blogging at all, or if you consider yourself a bit of a reformed (or former) fundamentalist, in the IFB sense, listen up. Bob Bixby has a phenomenal post detailing the history and motivations behind his 7 years of blogging. He is hanging up the towel on Pensees, but this last post is well worth a hearing.

Along the way he explains his concept of an “emerging middle”, a coming together of the younger and more careful (in my estimation) wing of fundamentalism and the more conservative wing of evangelicalism (e.g., MacArthur, Piper, Mohler, Dever and others). He goes on to show how he has long advocated that young fundamentalists work for change withing the fundamentalist system, and he sees some evidence of a “refreshed fundamentalism”. His post still details many remaining fundamentalist warts, and also includes a good bit of introspection and self-critique.

Bixby models how a serious minded leader should view blogging. He lets you into his thought process on the advantages and disadvantages of blogging, and I for one was blessed by it. He points out the obvious in fundamentalist blogging — its a battlefield out there. Blogwars never end, and so a day comes when that emphasis has to be left behind. In my own blogging I’ve made drastic changes in the focus of my blog. And I can see one day hanging it up as well.

All in all, whether you’re identified with IFB fundamentalism or not, this is an interesting and important read. It won’t be available for long, so check it out.