Submitting to God’s Will in Marriage — 1 Pet. 3:1-7 (part 2)

This is part 2 of an outline from a lesson I gave for my small group, recently. Read part one first.

Submitting to God’s Will in Marriage (1 Pet. 3:1-7) —
Part 2: The Husband

I realize this is a thorny topic for many. I’d like to recommend a couple resources before I continue here. For much of this lesson, I’m dependent on a chapter from Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood: A Response to Evangelical Feminism (edited by John Piper and Wayne Grudem). Wayne Grudem’s chapter “Wives Like Sarah, and Husbands Who Honor Them” focuses on these seven verses in 1 Peter. Also,a pastor at C.J. Mahaney’s Covenant Life Church, in Gaithersburg, MD has written an extremely helpful book from this complementarian perspective on marriage: Love That Lasts: When Marriage Meets Grace. Gary and Betsy Ricucci (Betsy is C.J.’s sister) have really outdone themselves with that book, you’ll find it very practical. I’d also recommend perusing the Council for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood’s website, where you will find a rich resource with many online articles covering all aspects of this issue, from the practical to the apologetical. Finally, feel free to check out the few posts I have made on these topics (listed here and here).

2. Considerate Leadership — The Husband (1 Pet. 3:7)

A. Definition.

1) Leadership

Because this verse is tacked on to the instructions for how a woman should submit, we can understand it as applying to how a husband leads his wife. he must do so considerately. It should also be noted that 3:1-7 clearly shows that the husband leads, and leadership is not equally shared. Both submission and leadership are not optional. “Husbands cannot rightly opt out of family leadership and become passive non-participants in decisions and activities. Neither can they rightly make the opposite mistake and exercise harsh, selfish, domineering authority in their families….” (Grudem)

2) Considerate Leadership

“In an understanding way” literally is “according to knowledge”. So husbands are to live together with their wives according to knowledge. Exactly what that knowledge is, is not specified. Likely it would include knowledge of God’s Word relating to marriage, and intimate knowledge of his wife (emotionally, physically, spiritually, etc.). Living according to this knowledge means understanding your wife and treating her carefully and lovingly, yet realizing the Biblical call to lead her and the family.

This call to live understandingly with the wife parallels the Biblical emphasis in the commands to husbands as it relates to marriage. Husbands are to love their wives as Christ sacrificially loved the church (Eph. 5:25). They are to love them as their own bodies, love them “as yourself” (Eph. 5:28, 33). Husbands are to love their wives and “not be harsh with them” (Col. 3:19).

B. Rationale for Considerate Leadership.

1) The wife is the “weaker vessel”.

This means, most basically, that she is vulnerable to being taken advantage of. In the context, she has a lesser role (not lesser importance, mind you) with regards to leadership. She is also physically weaker, and she has emotional vulnerabilities (hinted at in vs. 6). Emotional sensitivity is a great strength, but it opens one up to a likelihood of being “hurt deeply by conflict within a marriage or by inconsiderate behavior” (Grudem). Since the wife is vulnerable both in light of her position as under the husband, as well as her physical makeup, such a strong call for husbands to be considerate, and to show honor is needed.

2) The wife is a joint heir with her husband in the faith.

In Christ we are all one, there is no “male or female” even as there is no “Jew or Gentile”. Hence we should live together considerately, and men should treat their wives honorably.

3) This matter is vitally important and affects our prayers.

Prayers are hindered if the husband harshly treats his wife. Prayers are helped if he gives her honor. God cares about our marriages, and maintaining a healthy and godly marriage is very important — it pleases God.

C. Qualities of Considerate Leadership.

1) Consideration and Kindness for the wife. — living with her “in an understanding way”.

2) Honor for the submissive wife.

Husbands should not just be considerate, they must actually go out of their way to bestow honor on the godly and submissive wife. The word for “woman” is used only here in the Bible and refers to the idea of “feminine one” — a woman in tune with her godly femininity. This woman is the one worthy of honor.

3) Prayerful direction of the family.

Vs. 7 makes it seem that husbands should be praying and that prayer if vital for families. We should pray for our families and lead them from our knees.

Submitting to God's Will in Marriage — 1 Pet. 3:1-7 (part 1)

I’m reproducing the outline from a lesson I gave for my small group, recently. I think 1 Peter 3:1-7 is a beautiful passage on marriage that often gets overlooked. Much can be gained from studying just these seven small verses.

Submitting to God’s Will in Marriage (1 Pet. 3:1-7) —
Part 1: The Wife

Introduction

The preceding section (the last half of chapter 2) focuses on the Christian’s call to submit to God in society. He is to submit to ordinances and rulers, kings and governors, and by so doing is to honer God. Chapter 3 verses 1 and 7 both tie in to that context with the words “Likewise”. In marriage both the wife and the husband are called on to honor God through submission to His roles for marriage. in this, they follow the example of Jesus Christ, Who submitted Himself to God and left us an example that we should follow in His steps (2:21). Whether with regards to civil government (2:13-17), employment (2:18-20), marriage (3:1-7), or the church (5:5), we are to be subject to God-ordained authorities “for the Lord’s sake” (2:13).

1. Beautiful Submission — The Wife (1 Pet. 3:1-6)

A. Definition of Submission.

The idea of submission is clearly defined by this text.

Vs. 1-2 — Being subject = husbands see “your respectful and pure conduct”.

Vs. 3-5 — The adornment of a godly woman is the internal “gentle and quiet spirit” which has unfading “beauty”. This internal adornment also involves “submitting to their husbands”.

Gentle means “meek”, “not insistent on one’s own rights”; “not pushy, not selfishly assertive,” or “not demanding one’s own way” (Grudem). “The word refers to the humble and gentle attitude that expresses itself in a patient submissiveness; it could be used in the context of a meek and quiet spirit as a response to slander (Balch, from Linguistic and Exegetical Key to the New Testament, by Cleon Rogers). The adjective form of “gentle” used here, occurs only 3 other times, two of them describing Christ’s gentleness (Matt. 11:20, 21:5, and also Matt. 5:5). The noun form is more frequently used (cf. Gal. 5:23).

Vs. 6 — “Submitting to their husbands” includes willing obedience and respect.

To summarize, submission is “respectful’, “pure”, has unfading “beauty”, involves a “gentle and quiet spirit”, is meek, does not demand one’s own way, and at the very least includes willing obedience and respect. Wayne Grudem defines submission as “an inner quality of gentleness that affirms the leadership of the husband”.

B. Benefits of Submission.

Vs. 1-2 — The conversion of a lost husband (even to a lost man, submission seems right and beautiful, and even compelling).

Vs. 4 — A strong personal beauty which does not fade.

Vs. 4-6 — Special favor from God. A submissive spirit is “of great worth” to God. Being known as “daughters of Sarah” means proving to be genuine Christians, and even more than that, proving worthy of the kind of special honor Sarah receives.

vs. 7 — Honor from a godly husband (and indirectly from all godly men).

C. Hindrances to Submission.

Vs. 1 — The difficulty of a lost (or even a backslidden / overbearing) husband. (Even such a difficult situation does not permit one to shirk the Biblical call to submission.)

Vs. 3 — The temptation to live for worldly status, sexy recognition, etc.

Vs. 6b — Fear of the consequences if she submits (fear of the unknown, worry over her well-being or sense of personhood, fear of other’s thoughts of her, fear of a disobedient or unbelieving husband).

D. Strength for Submission.

Vs. 3-4 — Focus on what God thinks (submission is to Him, “very precious”).

Vs. 5 — Hope in God. He is good, His way is right, His promises are true.

Vs. 6 — Be mindful of the Gospel, and your status as Sarah’s daughters (God’s people).

2:13, 21) — Remember Christ’s example, and that all of this is for the Lord’s sake (it pleases Him).

Holding on to the Cultural Norms of a Bygone Era: A Look at Fundamentalism's "No-Pants-on-Women" Oddity

Hardly anyone today would consider the wearing of pants by women to be a breach of decency or a sign of rebellion against the God-given roles of manhood & womanhood. This is the 21st century, women have been liberated, and times have certainly changed, haven’t they?

The Fundamentalist Position

Yet for many sincere and well-meaning Christian fundamentalists (& by that term I mean those who both hold to the fundamental doctrines of the faith & practice some form of secondary separation with regard to those doctrines–specifically the fundamentalist Baptist movement represented by Bob Jones University and a host of even more conservative institutions) today’s situation is lamentable. Feminism’s triumph, in their minds, is what is most responsible for the abandoning of a generally common distinct dress styles for men and women. After all, the bathroom signs distinguish the sexes on the basis of pants for men, and today’s abandonment of the long accepted cultural norm of pants for men only can only lead to a sinful unisex culture which promotes all kind of sexual sins and spurns the God-ordained unique roles for men and women.

While rooted in the biblical teaching of male headship/leadership in the home and church, this position finds support in these verses as well:

A woman shall not wear a man’s garment, nor shall a man put on a woman’s cloak, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the LORD your God. (Deu 22:5)

For a man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God, but woman is the glory of man…. Judge for yourselves: is it proper for a wife to pray to God with her head uncovered? Does not nature itself teach you that if a man wears long hair it is a disgrace for him, but if a woman has long hair, it is her glory? For her hair is given to her for a covering.
(1Co 11:7, 14-15)

From these verses comes a doctrine of “designed distinction” between the sexes. And specifically on the warrant of Deut. 22:5, it is deemed a grievous sin to blur the line between the sexes by donning the apparel of the opposite sex.

Now the above careful argument is often not what one finds with the more conservative fundamentalists. Often Deut. 22:5 is quoted with the harsh conclusion that women who wear pants are “sluts”. The position is not carefully taught, but rather enforced, with ushers trained to escort women caught wearing pants out the door! Visitors who carelessly forget to check the dress code, are asked to wear a dress or not come back. If you think I’m exaggerating, I’m not. Such is the sad case in all too many fundamentalist churches. They don’t want to be tolerating abominations to God!

Modern Attempts to Dodge the Force of Deut. 22:5

To get around this exegesis of Deut. 22:5, many modern Christians claim it is ceremonial law (like Deut. 22:10-11 for instance) . Others will stress that transvestism or cross-dressing is primarily in view, or that some practice associated with idolatry is in view, hence the strong “abomination” label. Yet these interpretations on the surface feel like a transparent attempt at dodging the force of the text.

The Historic Position on Deut. 22:5

Older commentators don’t flinch at offering some alternative views while at the same time affirming what Calvin says below:

This decree also commends modesty in general, and in it God anticipates the danger, lest women should harden themselves into forgetfulness of modesty, or men should degenerate into effeminacy unworthy of their nature. Garments are not in themselves of so much importance; but as it is disgraceful for men to become effeminate, and also for women to affect manliness in their dress and gestures, propriety and modesty are prescribed, not only for decency’s sake, but lest one kind of liberty should at length lead to something worse. The words of the heathen poet are very true: “What shame can she, who wears a helmet, show, her sex deserting?” Wherefore, decency in the fashion of the clothes is an excellent preservative of modesty. [from John Calvin’s online commentary here.]

Keil & Delitzsch, the Hebrew experts, are even stronger:

As the property of a neighbour was to be sacred in the estimation of an Israelite, so also the divine distinction of the sexes, which was kept sacred in civil life by the clothing peculiar to each sex, was to be not less but even more sacredly observed. “There shall not be man’s things upon a woman, and a man shall not put on a woman’s clothes.” כְּלִי does not signify clothing merely, nor arms only, but includes every kind of domestic and other utensils (as in Exo_22:6; Lev_11:32; Lev_13:49). The immediate design of this prohibition was not to prevent licentiousness, or to oppose idolatrous practices (the proofs which Spencer has adduced of the existence of such usages among heathen nations are very far-fetched); but to maintain the sanctity of that distinction of the sexes which was established by the creation of man and woman, and in relation to which Israel was not to sin. Every violation or wiping out of this distinction – such even, for example, as the emancipation of a woman – was unnatural, and therefore an abomination in the sight of God. [emphasis added, quoted from E-Sword‘s (free for download) Keil & Delitzsch Commentary on the Old Testament]

Examining the Fundamentalist Position

So why do I allow and encourage my wife and daughters to wear pants? Am I consciously violating Deut. 22:5 and blurring the distinction of the sexes? I don’t believe so. Upon a closer examination of the fundamentalist position, I hope you will agree with me. At the onset here, I should note that more and more modern fundamentalists disagree with this position, and I’m sure there have been exceptions for many years. Also, there are some conservative Baptists who don’t like being dubbed fundamentalists, preferring to be called historic Baptists, and avoid the perceived problems with fundamentalism today. Fine, whatever. Still I object to their position on Deut. 22:5, and most people would call them fundamentalists.

What Scripture Actually Teaches

Now if we accept the “designed distinction” view of Deut. 22:5 (which I do), here is what Scripture actually affirms. 1) The sexes should be distinct. 2) Christians shouldn’t wear garments or ornaments associated with the opposite sex. We could infer from this that we are to maintain culturally appropriate gender distinctions in dress.

Now Deut. 22:5 doesn’t teach that we must have male-specific items and female-specific items, per se, it just assumes that a culture has them. It doesn’t specify what the items look like, nor to what degree they are actually distinct. It just says don’t use the female or male items.

The 1 Cor. 11 passage seems to say there is a certain propriety which makes it “natural” for the sexes to be distinguished in some visible way. It doesn’t specify how long or short, “long” and “short” hair is, necessarily, however. Yet it asserts that women should have long hair, and men shouldn’t. (Again, I agree with this point here.)

The Role of Culture

Now we have this Scriptural teaching and we are to apply it to our present situation. Culture can obviously be immoral, and cultures promoting little or no clothes are obviously errant and should be corrected from a Biblical perspective. Yet culture by definition changes over time.

In Bible days, men and women wore long flowing robes. There were inner and outer robes, and a girdle for both men and women. Only men were said to “gird up their loins”, meaning hike up their robes to do manly actions, like fighting in a battle. But there is no indication that their robes were materially different than women’s robes. Instead it was the fit, decoration, and style of the robes that distinguished them from women’s robes.

In our culture 100 years ago, pants were a distinctly male item, but today men and women both wear pants. Still there are differences in fit, decoration, and style that differentiate male pants from female pants. Although it is true that a unisex pants style is in vogue these days. While 100 years ago wearing pants was a trespass of cultural norms with regard to gender distinction, today that is not necessarily the case.

In viewing culture, we hopefully can agree that the Bible doesn’t set up the culture of the 1800s as the most Godly culture ever. There is no reason to view it as more godly than present culture, necessarily. Each generation had its sins, and surely today’s generation has some awful flagrant ones, but there is no Scriptural justification for inferring from this that all present cultural norms should be abandoned in favor of those from the 1800s.

Consistency

In examining this topic, it appears that the clear cut, simple distinction provided by pants versus a dress is desirable by the fundamentalists. And so they have honed in on this item of clothing particularly for applying Deut. 22:5. But there are a host of items which have changed in their gender-designating function over the years. Stockings and T-Shirts were originally male-only dress items. Today stockings are generally regarded as female-only and T-shirts are used for both sexes. Fundamentalists often have no problem with their teenage or college-age girls wearing the high school or college sports jackets of their boyfriends, but wouldn’t that violate the mandates in Deut. 22:5 too? And what about women’s suits (even with a dress skirt rather than pants)?

Some view questions of consistency with suspicion. “It is just an attempt to dodge Deut. 22:5”, they assume. Yet these questions must be addressed. Just because an item doesn’t appear on a bathroom sign, doesn’t mean it has no gender distinction. And then again, why is a bathroom sign so definitive for culture? Isn’t it just a convenient tool for communicating which bathroom is which? It is not authoritative in any sense (well, unless I’m looking for a bathroom…).

Conclusion

Based on the above examination, I conclude that how one applies Deut. 22:5 is up for grabs. The specific application is not mandated by the text. You may feel that the weight of centuries of gender distinct use of pants warrants no pants on women. That may be important to you, especially as you study history and see that feminism and a desire to break the cultural norms in regard to distinction of the sexes played a big role in the modern use of pants by women. Yet Scripture does not specify that I must conclude like you do in my view of the cultural norms of a bygone era. In today’s world, many a woman doesn’t think twice about putting on a pair of pants, because that is what our culture does. I would encourage such women to dress femininely and maintain modesty in light of Scriptural principles, rather than simply condemning them on the basis of cultural norms of a hundred years ago.

It is fine if you disagree with me, but I am applying Deut. 22:5 and not rejecting Scripture.   And so, fundamentalists and others who insist that only their application of Deut. 22:5 constitutes obedience are really being schismatic. They are needlessly disrupting the unity of the faith, in their defense of their particular application of Scripture to today’s culture. The oddity of the traditional fundamentalist view on women and pants sadly often becomes a disgrace to the name of Christ.

Before I go, if you want to see some debates over this issue, where both sides (mine and the standard fundamentalist position) being defended and advocated, check out the links below.

Anyone else have more links for good discussions on this?