As a former pastor’s kid (and assistant pastor’s kid, and later a missionary’s kid), this book intrigued me. As a former member of John Piper’s church, this book had special relevance for me. The author is Barnabus Piper, one of Pastor John’s sons. As a Christian who is recovering from legalism, this book was especially helpful for me.
In The Pastor’s Kid: Finding Your Own Faith and Identity (David C. Cook, 2014), Barnabus opens up about the struggles of growing up in a fish bowl. The author doesn’t claim to be a guru, but he is a pastor’s kid who struggled and erred, but also grew and matured and looks back on his time as a pastor’s kid and feels the need to share his experience both for the benefit of pastors but especially for the help of fellow pastor’s kids who may not have turned out as well as he. There are a lot of pastor’s kids, and some of them have jettisoned their parents’ faith and are jarred by the experience. Other’s may not yet have come to grips with why they struggle so much in particular ways.
This book explores the unique challenges of pastor’s kids and yet doesn’t burn the parents and blame them for all the problems. Pastor John actually writes the foreword and while Barnabus spares no punches, one gets the sense that their relationship is in-tact and both respect the other.
This is part memoir, and part self-help. And it isn’t all Piper’s memoir, as he shares stories from countless pastor’s kids he interviewed in preparation for the book. Some of them are not in the faith anymore, and it does us good to wonder why. Barnabus’ prescription calls for grace and care for children, and a proper set of expectations. He also gives hope to those who have been burned, or are wondering what they can possibly due at this stage in the game.
I particularly appreciated his emphasis on legalism. This excerpt resonates well with me:
Not everything is right or wrong, true or false, yes or no. The PK needs some maybes and sort ofs. If every question is answered in black and white and every decision judged as right or wrong, the PK never learns to make value decisions. In fact, he never learns values at all. He just learns to dance the morality two-step and avoid getting out of step with what’s ‘good’ or ‘true.’ If every question is given a concrete answer and no room is left for exploration or doubt, the PK is forced to either acquiesce or bury his doubts where they can fester and rot his faith. (p. 83)
I listened to the Christianaudio.com version of the book. This was extra special in that Barnabus Piper himself was the one reading his book. This made listening to the book more poignant as his passion for his book’s message was evident.
This book is well-written and preaches an important message. I don’t know of any other similar book that is designed to both help those who have been hurt, and equip those in the ministry now who are raising another generation of children. Cautions are raised and challenges issued, but grace and hope pervade the book. This is must reading for churches, pastors and of course, pastor’s kids.
For more on the book, watch this video clip from the author:
Disclaimer: This book was provided by Christianaudio.com. The reviewer was under no obligation to offer a positive review.
About Book Briefs: Book Briefs are book notes, or short-form book reviews. They are my informed evaluation of a book, but stop short of being a full-length book review.
In the wake of Rob Bell’s controversial book Love Wins, a plethora of books have appeared clamoring to answer the question “Does Hell exist?” Most of these books take us back to the Bible and answer the question in the affirmative. A new book from Brian Jones is no exception. What is different about his book, however, is apparent from its title: Hell is Real (But I Hate to Admit It). Jones uses a healthy dose of humor and personal candor as he tackles this ever-troubling topic.
Jones shares his story of secretly disbelieving in Hell for his first four years as a pastor. When he realized his error and confessed his secret sin, he was met with bewilderment. Why confess a doctrinal shortcoming? “Pastor, we were worried there was something more serious going on!” was how many took his news. This is indicative of the sad state of affairs in the church today and part of the reason Jones has given us this book.
His book is written in a simple, straightforward style. He explains the Bible’s teaching on Hell, but more than that, he gets into the question of why it is that he and so many others wanted to believe there isn’t a Hell. He then finishes the book with a call for “apocalyptic urgency” and a straightforward witness to the lost around us.
He doesn’t dismiss social concerns but calls the church to be more forthright in its evangelistic fervor. By the end of the book you aren’t surprised to learn that he was fired from the Princeton Theological Seminary bookstore for being too evangelistic. Jones has a passion for Jesus Christ, and it shows!
This book is accessible and at times humorous. And more importantly, it won’t steer you wrong. It might just spur you on toward a more serious view of evangelism. If we really do believe there is a Hell, shouldn’t that belief burden us all with “apocalyptic urgency”? Brian Jones thinks it should, and I have to agree. Read this book and be challenged. You won’t regret it.
Disclaimer: This book was provided by David C. Cook publishing. I was under no obligation to offer a favorable review.
About Book Briefs: With limited time available to give every book sent my way a full review, I’ll be offering short-form book reviews called Book Briefs. Book Briefs are book notes, or my impression and informed evaluation of a book, but they stop short of being a full book review.
Homosexuality. The word stirs many reactions today. Many Christians who don’t know homosexuals personally, remain puzzled and scared by this term. Many suspect the word does not picture a reality, only an intentional perversion of God’s created order. Pat answers are easy, and when it comes to homosexuality a simple Bible-based condemnation seems all that is in order. It is easier and more convenient for us to file the word, and whatever reality it represents, away into a tidy corner — far away from our experience.
But in today’s world, we can no longer afford to ignore homosexuality. It is all around us, and if we open our eyes, we’ll see it is affecting people we rub shoulders with at work, it’s in our children’s schools, and even has entered our churches. The debate is here, and more. It’s not just a debate, there is a secret battle being waged in countless hearts around us. A battle to believe in Jesus despite personal homosexual attractions.
When the church takes a very public, vocal and aggressive stance against homosexuality and perceived encroaches on the church’s favored family ideal, we inadvertently make it hard for those among us struggling with identity questions of their own. On the other hand, when churches change their message, dismissing Biblical statements condemning homosexual practices outright, or employing some cunning and inventive “exegesis”, the core of Gospel truth is betrayed. And any message left over is spiritually bankrupt. What is needed is a careful balance between a Scriptural approach to homosexual practice as sin, and a gracious acceptance of sinners who are struggling to follow Jesus.
That balance is hard to achieve and frankly, quite rare today. Consider the words of an anonymous Christian who struggles with homosexuality:
What if the church were full of people who were loving and safe, willing to walk alongside people who struggle? What if there were people in the church who kept confidences, who took the time to be Jesus to those who struggle with homosexuality? What if the church were what God intended it to be? (pg. 113)
This perspective may be new to many of us. When is the last time that you or I have known someone struggling with homosexuality? Not one given over to it, but one who professes to be a Christian yet openly admits to struggles in this area? What would it be like to be a Christian struggling with this? Can you even be a Christian if you experience homosexual desires? Isn’t Jesus supposed to miraculously heal you of such a warped perspective?
In a new book from Zondervan, Wesley Hill bravely steps forward to share his own journey with us. In Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality Hill tells the story of his life-long struggle with homosexuality. He shares the hopes and struggles, the loneliness and longing, the despair and perplexity that is life for homosexual Christians. What Hill has to say needs to be heard throughout the church today. His honesty and candor, and his gospel-centered, graceful, hopeful perspective make the book a joy to read. He offers hope for all who struggle against sin this side of the resurrection.
The book is well-written and captivating. Hill finds the right balance in conveying what it is like to think like he does, and feel like he feels, without dragging the book down into a cesspool. He keeps the story moving and intersperses reflections on the testimony of other self-professed Christians who struggled with homosexual desires.
Hill grew up in a Christian home, went to a Christian school and went to a Christian college (Wheaton). He even pursued Christian ministry. He would appear a typical conservative-minded Christian from a loving home. But he learned as a young teenager that something was different with him. He had no sexual attraction for women, at all. Instead, his feelings were directed toward the other sex for apparently no reason that he has yet been able to discover. One story he tells captures his reality well. He was attending a dance at a friend’s wedding. A friend, set him up to dance with a gorgeous girl. And yet even in close quarter with this stunning beauty, he felt no attraction. Instead his eyes were wandering against his will to a man across the room who he couldn’t help but notice.
Hill’s story goes on throughout the book. He is still young (in his late twenties) and realizes he doesn’t have all the answers. But he hopes his story helps others like him come to grips with who they are, and the calling Christ has for them. Hill realizes that some homosexual Christians do experience a healing of their broken desires. But many do not. He writes for “homosexual persons who have tried — and are trying — to ‘become heterosexual’ and are not succeeding and wonder, for the umpteenth time, what exactly it is that God wants them to do.” (pg. 19)
Hill’s testimony of the struggle and perplexity that surrounds homosexuality, helps explain the attraction of homosexual accommodation by the Church. It’s surely easier to remain connected with one “soul-mate” than to struggle against one’s natural impulses. Hill observes:
Occasionally it strikes me again how strange it is to talk about the gospel — Christianity’s “good news” — demanding anything that would squelch my happiness, much less demanding abstinence from homosexual partnerships and homoerotic passions and activities. If the gospel really is full of hope and promise, surely it must endorse — or at least not oppose — people entering into loving, erotically expressive same-sex relationships. How could the gospel be opposed to love? (pg. 56)
Hill goes on to challenge this “easy way out.” He explains how and why abstinence from forbidden pleasures is essential to upholding the true Gospel. “One of the hardest-to-swallow, most countercultural, counterintuitive implications of the gospel is that bearing up under a difficult burden with patient perseverance is a good thing.” (pg. 71).
Hill’s struggles bring alive the hidden suffering of Christians struggling with this sin. There is an intense loneliness. First, it is hard to share with other Christians that you struggle with this issue. Second, if you agree that abstinence is God’s will, you will pull back from non-sexual relationships with others of the same sex for fear of temptation or rejection (if they knew the real you). Finally, for those who cannot just “switch” their inbred sense of attraction, for those who cannot just “become heterosexual”, or those who through long years of effort find they cannot, these are faced with a lonely future with no possibility of waking up next to the one you love and sharing life together. Hill shared some of his personal diary notes on this point: “And don’t you think we’re wired (Genesis 2!) to want the kind of companionship that can only come through marriage?” (pg. 106).
An even more devastating point comes in Hill’s discussion of lust. He quotes Dallas Willard to the extent that to merely look (or see) and desire someone sexually is not wrong. Rather, looking to desire someone is wrong. The second glance is the one with evil intent. Hill shares what it feels like to “look and desire” in a homosexual way, and how this is even more hopeless than those who struggle against inordinate heterosexual desires:
For me and other gay people, even when we’re not willfully cultivating desire, we know that when attraction does come — most of the time, it could be as unlooked for and unwanted as it was for me that day on the dance floor at my friends’ wedding reception — it will be attraction to someone of the same sex. And in those moments, it feels as though there is no desire that isn’t lust, no attraction that isn’t illicit. I never have the moment Dallas Willard describes as “looking and desiring” when I can thank God that he made me to be attracted to women… Every attraction I experience, before I ever get to intentional, willful, indulgent desire, seems bent, broken, misshapen. I think this grieves [God], but I can’t seem to help it. (pg. 136-137)
This experience of brokenness and uncontrollable desires is not uncommon. Hill speaks for many when he writes these words. Hill quotes Martin Hallett of True Freedom Trust, “There are probably nearly as many Christians with homosexual feelings who do not believe that homosexual sex is right for Christians as there are those who are advocating its acceptance.” (pg. 16)
The beauty of this book is that Hill not only describes the struggle, he also explains how he has found peace with the burden. His “life as a homosexual Christian… has simply been learning how to wait, to be patient, to endure, to bear up under an unwelcome burden for the long haul.” (pg. 50). Rather than seeing his struggles and shortcomings as “confirmations of [his] rank corruption and hypocrisy”, Hill has gradually learned to view his journey “of struggle, failure, repentance, restoration, renewal in joy, and persevering, agonized obedience — as what it looks like for the Holy Spirit to be transforming me on the basis of Christ’s cross and his Easter morning triumph over death.” (pg. 144). His insights on sanctification deserve to be quoted in full:
The Bible calls the Christian struggle against sin faith (Hebrews 12:3-4; 10:37-39). It calls the Christian fight against impure cravings holiness (Romans 6:12-13, 22). So I am trying to appropriate these biblical descriptions for myself. I am learning to look at my daily wrestling with disordered desires and call it trust. I am learning to look at my battle to keep from giving in to my temptations and call it sanctification. I am learning to see that my flawed, imperfect, yet never-giving-up faithfulness is precisely the spiritual fruit that God will praise me for on the last day, to the ultimate honor of Jesus Christ. (pg. 146)
What Christian cannot say amen to that? I found Hill’s honesty and frank discussion of his wrestlings against the sinful pull of his soul, inspiring and hope-giving even for broken heterosexuals like me. We could learn a lot from listening to homosexual Christians who are fighting to follow Jesus with a pure heart.
Hill encourages others struggling with this sin to be open about their struggles with others, to seek help, and find a church community to be a part of. Hill’s message also challenges churches today to be a community of Christ-loving people who minister with His gracious hands and loving heart to all those in need around them.
This book packs quite the punch for 160 short pages. It has opened up the struggle of what it means to be homosexual to me in a new way. It gives me hope and confidence that the Gospel of Jesus Christ does work, even for those with such a burden to bear. I pray and trust this book will make a wide impact among churches of all kinds, but especially the more conservative churches.
I have but one small reservation with this book. Hill details both a Roman Catholic’s and Greek Orthodox’s struggle on this issue with no caution about the deficient theology of those churches. There may be genuine Christians who are RC or Orthodox, but they are the exception not the rule. Perhaps those faiths are more open to the struggle for faithful celibacy and so have something he can identify with. As a Protestant, I fear the Gospel can be at stake in so easily recommending Catholicism and Greek Orthodoxy with their denial of justification by faith alone.
One brief personal note, too, if I may. As I read the acknowledgments, I was delighted to find many names I recognized from Bethlehem Baptist Church in Minneapolis where I was a member for four years. It’s a joy to think that my former pastor John Piper and the apprentice program he and others have poured their lives into was blessed to make a positive impact in Wesley Hill’s life. It shows that conservative evangelical churches can and do minister to struggling homosexual Christians.
I pray more churches would avail themselves of resources like this book and aim to think through what a full-fledged, Biblical perspective on homosexuality really means. I cannot recommend this book any more highly.
Disclaimer: This book was provided by Zondervan for review. I was under no obligation to offer a favorable review.
The higher you rise, the harder you fall. There seems to be nothing more universally revolting than the fall of a big name preacher. The scandals of Jim & Tammy Bakker, Jimmy Swaggart and Ted Haggard all made the national news headlines. But not every scandal gets such nationwide attention. Sadly, such falls by “men of God” are all too common.
Yesterday, I found out about one such fall that sits far too close to home for my liking. Rodney Stewart, an evangelist who was a frequent preacher at the Bible College I attended, was recently caught in an online sex sting. I own several cassette tapes of this man’s preaching, which always struck me as intense and radically serious. He was a great preacher who stuck close to the Biblical text in most of his messages. Yet he was found out in his sin and now is sitting in prison awaiting his trial and sentencing. The sad story is covered by a local news station in the Cleveland area here.
Why is it that men who are respected and hold a revered office (such as pastor, evangelist or preacher) would do such horrendous things? Why would they be found soliciting sex online from a 15 year old? And why exactly are such failures so commonplace, as it seems?
I can’t speak for all sectors of Christianity, or for the Roman Catholic Church. I do know that sin is common to all men, that is sure. But for conservative evangelical churches, particularly of the fundamentalist variety, there are several factors which I believe contribute to this problem.
1) Too much emphasis on morals
This might sound crazy to some. But an over-emphasis on morality actually encourages sin. Moralism cannot save. It cannot free someone of sinful urges within. Only the Gospel of grace can truly transform our hearts.
2) An external focus
Many fundamentalist churches stress external conformity to rules and standards. Christians need to look different, act different and dress differently than the world. Christians need to read their Bibles, spend time evangelizing their friends and neighbors, and actively serve in their church. All of this, people can trick themselves into thinking they can do. And then keeping up the appearance of spirituality can in turn become a heavy burden.
3) Little emphasis on grace
Grace, or God’s favor for undeserving sinners, is not emphasized. God’s holiness and his high standards are. Grace comes into play in salvation, but living the Christian life is all about effort, character, and duty. So when people struggle, there is no saving grace that can help them. They must dust themselves off and try harder. Often a do-it-yourself-mentality is the practical effect of an over-emphasis on externals and conformity.
4) Failure to appreciate the Gospel
Similar to what was said above, the Gospel is seen as the 101 class for becoming a Christian. The meat and the nitty-gritty of Christian living leaves the Gospel behind. The Gospel is good news for the lost unbeliever, and its an assumed thing for believers. This misunderstanding cuts off the Christian from his only sure hope. The Gospel teaches that God accepts us not on the basis of how well we behave, but as a matter of pure grace and on account of Jesus’ death on the cross in our place.
5) Legalism and burnout
All of this leads to a practical legalism. Christians live as if God is not happy with them. To please God and to truly grow in faith, one must add mountains of work to the faith that saves. If we measure up to our own (or our group’s) expectations, if we perform, if we put out, only then are we satisfied with ourselves, and only then is God pleased with us. When we fail in a myriad of ways, we have to struggle on alone. This leads to burnout. All work, no recognition of God’s love and approval, and no grace. It’s hard struggling on in such a condition.
6) No mutual accountability
The ethos of a legalistic church does not lend itself to mutual accountability. Pastors rarely mention that they too struggle with sin. If one confesses a sin, he is dealt with as a sinner. Grace isn’t proffered. There is no benefit to opening up to others about your struggles. You’ll be rejected, written off and then treated so differently. For those struggling with sexual addiction, mutual accountability is balm to the soul. Understanding that others share the same struggles and hearing others be open about their struggles to overcome the sin are key to victory.
7) Lone Ranger Christianity
This final aspect is an American trait that has affected the church. People think that the Christian life is something that is purely personal, and can be accomplished on their own. The Bible stresses the role of the church and the need for brothers and sisters in the faith to encourage each other. Often, in a high-stress environment, where a judgmental spirit is present, the communal aspects of church life are downplayed. We get together to eat and socialize but never to discuss the impact of the Gospel on our personal lives. This is only intensified in the life of a pastor or evangelist. They are even more prone to the lone ranger phenomenon. The pastor has to keep himself aloof from his congregation, it is thought. The very thought of a pastor wanting help for struggling with his personal sins and thought life, is unheard of in many such legalistic environments.
I suppose other factors come into play, but these are certainly influential in many fundamentalist church environments. But it isn’t only legalistic churches that can harbor such ideas about the Christian life. People can tend toward legalism in any context.
It’s so easy to cast stones at the fallen pastor. I would hope that we could pray for him and his family, and be on guard lest the sin in our own hearts come to overcome us as well. I certainly don’t excuse him for his crimes. however. I just wish the system he was in would have been more grace-oriented. But for the grace of God, I too could be consumed by my sin.
I would love to hear your thoughts on all of this, too. Feel free to chime in and let me know what you think.
Here are some notes from a lesson I shared with some teens and young adults at my church this Sunday.
I. The Cycle of Temptation (Prov. 24:16)
Weak Flesh + Wicked World + Satan’s Work = Continual Temptation
We try to resist ~ we fail and fall into sin ~ we get up & resolve to do better ~ but we fail again….
This can lead us to lose heart, to give up and give ourselves to sin, or to be discouraged and even lose our faith
II. Resources for Temptation
Memorizing and learning God’s Word — Ps. 119:9,11
Watchfulness and Prayer — Matt. 26:41
Faith — 1 John 5:4, 1 Pet. 5:9
Godly Friends — Heb. 3:12-14
God does provide a “way of escape” — 1 Cor. 10:13
God uses temptation to work good in our lives — James 1:2-17
III. The Proper Perspective for Facing Temptation (Heb. 12:1-17)
1. The Christian Life is like a Long, Grueling Marathon — vs. 1
Not a quick sprint, the battle with sin is long and hard
Sin trips us up, and some non-sinful things can slow us down
We need endurance, to be in it for the long haul
It can be done, others have finished before us they testify to God’s grace, and they watch us finish our race
2. Our Focus needs to be on Christ, our Captain — vs. 2-3
Focusing on our failures and problems doesn’t solve anything, look away from ourselves to what Christ has done
Christ initiated our faith and will bring it to completion
When we fall, we must cling to the Gospel not self-effort
Jesus resisted sin “for the joy that was set before Him” we can also live now in light of Heaven’s joys (Phil. 3:13-14, 2 Pet. 3:11-14, Heb. 11:10, 13-16, 26)
Live in light of what is supremely true — that is faith
3. Battling sin is a struggle — like a boxing match — vs. 4
We haven’t even lost any blood in our match (others have)
There isn’t a magic “lose interest in sin” pill
Everyone struggles not just you (1 Cor. 10:13)
But with time, you can mortify sins and the battle gets easier (Rom. 8:13)
“Be killing sin or sin will be killing you.” — John Owen
4. Fighting sin is part of God’s discipline of his children — vs. 5-11
The trials of the Hebrew Christians primarily are in view when the author speaks of God’s “discipline”
But discipline is training or teaching as much as punishment
Vs. 4 “struggle against sin” , vs. 10 “share his holiness” , vs. 14 “strive for… holiness” as well as the weakness in vs. 12-13 argue for the battle against sin as being part of this “discipline”
So, this means the fight against sin (which isn’t easy), is part of what God ordains for us to make us holy
The struggle isn’t fun now, but it results in fruit (vs. 11)
And if you don’t experience this struggle, you just might not be a true son of God because every son experiences the struggles against sin
Be encouraged if you are struggling — that’s actually a good sign. Non-believers don’t struggle with sin
Take heart that God is behind our trials and temptations, and He wants them to mature us (James 1:2-4, 12-17)
5. Having this perspective on temptation, take heart! — vs. 12-13
We are tempted to give up and the race makes us weary — but take heart
Is. 35:3-4 is quoted: “Strengthen the weak hands, and make firm the feeble knees. Say to those who have an anxious heart, ‘Be strong; fear not! Behold, your God will come… He will come and save you.'”
6. Fighting sin is a team-sport — vs. 14-15
It’s like Tour-de-France, many members working toward the one goal of the victory — we look out for each other
Some can fall short, and miss out on God’s sustaining grace.
So we need to encourage each other (Heb. 3:12-14, 10:22-25)
7. The fight against sin does have real casualties — vs. 15-17
Holiness is required to see God — vs. 14 (and Matt. 5:8)
Some do fall away “bitter roots” (Deut. 29:18) & Esau — he sold his birthright for a bowl of stew (we are as foolish!)
Ultimately, the grace of God keeps us. Trust Him when you fail and sin. But take heart God’s not done with you!
As a former pastor’s kid (and assistant pastor’s kid, and later a missionary’s kid), this book intrigued me. As a former member of John Piper’s church, this book had special relevance for me. The author is Barnabus Piper, one of Pastor John’s sons. As a Christian who is recovering from legalism, this book was especially helpful for me.
