A friend of ours stopped by our house with her elementary school-aged son. As she stood chatting with my wife, Vicki, the boy climbed onto the back of the couch.
“Neil, get down off the couch,” the mother said.
The boy sat there unmoved as she continued to chat.
“Neil, get down off the couch,” she repeated, then kept talking with Vicki about other things.
The boy visibly stiffened his resolve. On his face and in his posture, you could see it: of all the things in the world Neil could do, he wasn’t going to get down from that couch.
The game was on.
“Neil, if you don’t get down off that couch, Sam and Vicki aren’t going to like you.”
Frankly, that’s irrelevant. To Neil, whether we like him or not was immaterial. (We like him. Years later I officiated at his wedding.)
The boy stayed put. Neil’s defiance had become the issue — not the couch, and not Sam and Vicki. The mother started digging in her purse. “Here, Neil, I’ll give you this candy bar if you get down off the couch.” When she pulled out the candy bar, he hopped down and fetched the candy bar.
Checkmate.
Mom loses.
Get this: she may think she’s rewarding him for his obedience. Actually, she’s paying him to disobey her. guess what she’s going to get lots more of?
Neil was obeying not his mother, but his sweet tooth. And the mother was catering to that….
…If you’re startled at the thought that you might actually be rewarding rebellion, whining, sassiness, and disobedience in your child, keep reading. None of us wants to be a parent that rewards the wrong thing in our child. This chapter can help you avoid that.
(p. 77-79 – italics and bold emphasis added)
The rest of the book is as on-point as the anecdote above. And while Crabtree’s diagnosis is sharp, his bedside manner is quite mild. I highly recommend his book (and hope to review it more fully later).
“In the Box” posts highlight new books I’ve received in the mail.
I periodically showcase new titles that arrive at my doorstep in posts like this. Today’s post highlights two books that I am eager to read. One is an award-winning book to help both parents and youth ministers in reaching teens, and another is a biblical theology of the book of Revelation.
Alongside: Loving Teenagers with the Gospel by Drew Hill (New Growth Press)
This book stands out, both for its content and flashy design. As a parent of three teenagers I am motivated by the subject matter. And once I heard that this book was selected as a finalist for the ECPA Christian Book Award, I knew I wanted to get my hands on a copy and feature it here on my blog. I look forward to interacting more with this book in the near future.
All Things New: Revelation as Canonical Capstone by Brian J. Tabb (IVP Academic)
This book intrigued me in part because I know the author (sort of). I took a class on Hebrew that he co-taught several years ago at The Bethlehem Institute (before it became Bethlehem College and Seminary). Brian Tabb now has a PhD from London School of Theology and is academic dean and associate professor of Biblical Studies at Bethlehem. Beyond my brief connection with the author, this book appeals to me on its own merit. It approaches Revelation as a capstone of the canon, and is in IVP’s excellent New Studies in Biblical Theology series. I love reading biblical theology and am looking forward to digging in to this promising book.
“In the Box” posts highlight new books I’ve received in the mail.
In this post, I want to showcase two of the new titles that at arrived at my doorstep in the last few weeks. I’m truly blessed to be able to read so many great books, and Christian publishers seem to never let up in their race to get high quality materials out the door. We are truly blessed with an abundance of Christian resources to help us in our walk with Christ.
The Love of Loves in the Song of Songs by Philip Ryken
This book is a meditation on Song of Solomon, and helpfully includes the entire biblical text (ESV) of that book. Ryken’s style is easy to read and he shares a wealth of insight from others on this fascinating (and often troubling) book. I appreciate that from the start he does not shy away from appreciating the parallels between Christ and the Church that have historically dominated the interpretation of this book, even as he rejects outright allegoricalism. He also does not eagerly proclaim the book as a manifesto on sexual liberation either, finding its instruction on marital love appropriately muted by the poetic nature of the book, and not as graphic or explicit as quite a few modern writers envision.
Parenting with Loving Correction: Practical Help for Raising Young Children by Sam Crabtree
The next Crossway title I received is by Pastor Sam Crabtree of Bethlehem Baptist Church in Minneapolis (where I was a member for several years). Knowing Pastor Crabtree personally, I am eager to dig into this work. Like the title of his other book Practicing Affirmation, Pastor Sam is warm and encouraging, and I expect his parental advice to be refreshing and uplifting – while also insightful.
Few things are more distressing and perplexing than mental illness. In generations past, the mentally ill were shut away from all hope in insane asylums; and the actions of “lunatics” were often blamed on demons or devilry. Today medical knowledge has grown concerning the brain’s role in mental illness, and the help that various medications can provide has offered hope to the afflicted. Yet even still, society as a whole often continues to ignore and shun the mentally ill and their loved ones. Mental illness is sanitized through the institutionalization (or even incarceration) of its sufferers; or it is under-estimated in its effect, leading to dire consequences for those who are unable to find real help through the current medical system. The Church amplifies this problem, both by holding on to assumptions related to demonic causality and by being skeptical of psychiatry and medications. The result is a myriad of silent sufferers, both in and outside of our churches.
Slowly the tide is turning however. More and more the stigma is being lifted for afflictions such as clinical depression and schizophrenia. An understanding exists that depression may be medically induced, after all Christians get depressed too! Similarly, sufferers of schizophrenia can be helped through medicine and therapy. And slowly the Church is waking up to this reality. And this awakening is largely due to people who have suffered/are suffering the impacts of mental illness and who are speaking out and calling for the Church to be a real help.
Simonetta Carr is just such a person. In her new book Broken Pieces and the God Who Mends Them: Schizophrenia Through a Mother’s Eyes, she bares her soul in telling us the gripping story of her son’s brief (and tragic) battle with schizophrenia. In a poignant account she recounts what it is like from a parent’s perspective to see your college-aged child brought to their knees through this illness. She highlights the very real shame and loneliness that confront the mentally ill and their loved ones. And she testifies to how her faith in the sovereignty of God and an “already, not yet” hope combined to keep her going through the darkest of times. By the end of the story, the reader is broken with her as she grieves over her son’s untimely death.
Yet this emotional and very personal story, is not an end in itself. Carr goes on to help those who follow behind her in dealing with mental illness. The second part of the book is full of advice and explanation, resources and admonitions — it is a road-map for those who must follow in her steps dealing with the particulars of schizophrenia or other similar mental illnesses. She shares the stories of other parents or patients, and even some pastors — and mixes in quotes from experts and doctors and many an old-time preacher or Reformation-era writing.
This book is a joy to read and will be treasured by those caring for loved ones and friends who are mentally ill. No matter what stage you are in, newly diagnosed or even in bereavement, this book will be a balm for your soul. It can benefit the non-Christian reader, but is especially relevant for the Christian. Perhaps no darker storm or more grievous trial can be found than mental illness, and Simonetta Carr will help you hold onto your faith and joy through all of the ups and downs ahead of you.
Here is a sampling of some of her advice:
I wanted to be there, in mind if not in body, as if I were the only one who could shield my son — as if my thoughts, prayers, and actions were indispensable to his protection. (p. 267)
The sooner we realize that we are not our loved ones’ saviors and can’t provide an answer to all their needs, the easier both our lives and theirs will be. We will be able to relax and persevere on our course, because we will not be leaning on our own strength. (p. 281)
We have the comfort of knowing that God is faithful in leading his children and that our wrong decisions cannot thwart his plans. “For those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose” (Rom. 8:28). (p. 262)
Both in her story and her advice, Carr models a life that places a high priority on personal attendance and fellowship with a church. Her testimony of working with her church pastors and elders, and celebrating marks of grace in her son’s life were particularly helpful. The quotes by pastors and elders that she shares deserve a wide audience, as it truly is in connection with a church that sufferers and their families should find the deepest support and lasting peace.
Along these lines, Carr emphasizes advocacy and helping both the Church and the community to change their attitudes to the mentally ill. Her advice gets very practical, pointing out support groups and organizations that can help — or that may need additional volunteers. Her book also includes an annotated list of books and other resources.
I appreciated her balanced approach when it comes to evaluating the role of medicine and therapy, and dealing with spiritual issues as well. She also touches on the Christian counselor question: are Christian counselors automatically best? She warns that “greater caution” may be needed with Christian counselors as to what theology they will employ among other concerns (p. 227). I did have one small quibble with her declaration that Christians cannot be demon possessed (p. 202). This is a point of disagreement among some Christian scholars. I agree with Carr but she doesn’t acknowledge the debate or give her reasoning for her conclusion.
Broken Pieces is a one of a kind resource that I hope will bless many who suffer from mental illness. I believe churches need to be better at caring for the mentally ill and their families, and this book has the potential to educate and inform Church leaders to that end. I highly recommend it.
Learn more about the book by reading the interview of the author included here, or by perusing the links below.
The Christian Biographies for Young Readers series introduces children to key figures from church history. Author Simonetta Carr offers a compelling and beautifully illustrated historical account of the life of each Christian figure profiled in the series. To date, the series includes volumes on Church fathers (Irenaeus, Augustine of Hippo, Athanasius, Anselm of Canterbury), Reformation leaders (John Calvin, Martin Luther, Peter Martyr Vermigli, and John Knox), Reformation era heroines (Lady Jane Grey and Marie Durand), and Puritan notables (John Owen and Jonathan Edwards). The latest volume adds John Newton, to this last category.
John Newton has quite the life story! Kids will be intrigued by his adventures as a sailor, conscripted British Navy-man, and even would-be slave trader. Newton’s pre-conversion days read a little like Gulliver’s travels, but he ends up committing himself to Christ as a result of a brush with death in a near shipwreck.
Newton is best remembered, of course, for his incredibly famous hymn “Amazing Grace”. And this book also highlights his friendship with fellow hymn-writer William Cowper. What is not so widely known about Newton was his influence in the abolition of the slave trade. Carr details how William Wilberforce was influenced by Newton both personally and professionally. Newton was called on as a special witness by British Parliament two times in the years leading up to the eventual end of the slave trade in Great Britain.
Having read many of her works, I appreciate Simonetta Carr’s attention to detail and focus on historical accuracy — evident in this latest book as well. And this book is chuck full of photographs, beautiful illustrations, maps and more. Two of Newton’s letters to his young niece are included, as is a picture of an original handwritten leaf from his Olney Hymns.
The book will introduce young readers to the legacy of John Newton, but it educates and enlightens older readers as well. For instance, did you know that “Amazing Grace” was written to accompany a New Year’s message on the text 1 Chronicles 17:16-17 where David says “Who am I, O Lord God, and what is mine house, that thou has brought me hitherto?” (p. 56). I was particularly moved by the emphasis she placed on Newton’s own simple epitaph he wanted for his memorial:
John Newton clerk. Once an infidel and libertine, a servant of slaves in Africa, was by the rich mercy of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, preserved, restored, pardoned and appointed to preach the faith he had long labored to destroy. (p. 54)
This book deserves a place in church or school libraries, and would make a great addition to your coffee table or personal bookcase. If you haven’t picked up a title in the Christian Biographies for Young Readers series, now would be a good time. You won’t be disappointed with John Newton. I highly recommend it.
Disclaimer: This book was provided by Reformation Heritage Books. The reviewer was under no obligation to offer a positive review.
About Book Briefs: Book Briefs are book notes, or short-form book reviews. They are my informed evaluation of a book, but stop short of being a full-length book review.
I recently finished a helpful little book on parenting by Sam Crabtree, Parenting with Loving Correction: Practical Help for Raising Young Children. In a chapter entitled “Reward Obedience, Not Disobedience” Crabtree shares the following pointed anecdote.
